“It’s Only Five Years” - That calloused statement was made to me moments after my husband was sentenced to prison. Years later, it still makes me bristle! Any amount of time sentenced to prison seems like an eternity to most people facing that time inside the walls — and also to those left alone outside the walls. It has always struck me that anyone who would make such a statement has obviously not considered just what it might be like to spend “only” five years — or any amount of time — locked up in prison. Neither have they considered the effect on their families and loved ones.
Already reeling from the sentence and the sight of our husband and father being handcuffed and taken away, we were now being told it was “only” five years! The breath knocked out of me, I wanted to scream, “You can’t be serious! You don’t have a clue what you just said! Five years is an eternity!”
I looked ahead … imagining “only five years” … Our 20th wedding anniversary was coming up in just a couple of months, and we hadn’t been away from each other for more than a few weeks and fairly short distances. How would I possibly manage, being separated from him for five years and a distance of 2000 miles?! Panic struck.
Tears welled up as I looked at our five children. Our oldest daughter had just graduated from high school and planned to start college in the Fall. “Five years” meant Dad wouldn’t see her graduate from nursing school. Our oldest son would be a senior in high school. Dad wouldn’t see him graduate from high school or college! The two younger boys were about to enter 10th and 8th grades; these “five years” were the years they really needed to have their dad around. How could I be a mom AND dad for them? All their soccer and basketball games … and no dad to cheer them on! And then there was our “baby,” who was just starting 7th grade. What would these years be like for her? She and her dad had a special relationship; would that be lost? So many thoughts and emotions flooded over me; I felt like I was suffocating!
Nearly nine years have actually passed since that day in the courtroom. “Only five years” did seem like an eternity; but, looking back, we realize that “only five years” was just that. During that time, many men became dear brothers — and their families became dear friends. Too many have a lot more years yet to serve. It was difficult to leave them behind knowing what they face and caring about their families.
We have moved into the next stage of our lives, but we have such a burden for the men, their wives and children, their Moms, Dads, and families who are “doing time too” on the outside. For many of them, they are in a prison of their own, feeling so alone because nobody truly understands the effect that the separation has on his loved ones. Only those who have been through the battle can understand the hurt, the loss, the struggle of “doing time too.” This newsletter — and specifically this column — is designed to encourage families as well. Would you please consider sharing your story with us?